Top Myths about Teenagers to Throw Out Now

Five Myths about Teenagers Debunked

If you’re the parent of a teen then you’ve probably seen the looks and had some “good luck” comments thrown at you. Teens have a current reputation for being impulsive, moody and in their room ALL THE TIME. While there’s truth to some of the beliefs we have about teens there are other pieces that are harmful myths.

Interestingly the term “teenager” hasn’t been around that long and came to be used in the 1950s to label that in between childhood and adulthood time. Historically speaking being a teenager is a newer concept. 

And it has made more and more sense to recognize the transitional age where so much growth happens (puberty!). Now our society recognizes there are unique challenges and changes to each period of our life.

This story we have now about teens permeates our culture and often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that does more harm than good. So consider which myths you’ve internalized about teens and why we should stop perpetuating them. For parents, I’ve included my tips for increasing your connection with your teen for each myth I cover. 

Myth #1 Teenage Years are the Worst

Yes, teenage years are hard and most of us would not want to go back to that time and cringe to think of our teenage selves. It also is the beginning of who we are so we can’t skip past it, it matters a lot and those years have an impact. All you’re doing now with your teen sets the stage for their adulthood.

The reward from putting in a lot of effort with your teen is that they grow into an independent adult after who eventually leaves you. Think of what memories you had or wish you could have had during your teenage years – you can make some of that happen for them. Try to enjoy those years as much as you can before they launch into adulthood.

Tip –Think of things that excite you about your kid growing up. Are there hobbies or activities you can now enjoy together? Are there things you’re looking forward to teaching them? Fun activities to try – going to plays or comedy shows, a camping or backpacking trip, or learning a new skill by taking a class together (photography, martial arts, woodworking – you name it!).

Myth #2 Teens Don’t Like Spending Time with Family

It is true that teens are often more interested in their peers and tend to desire more privacy. It makes sense when they’re figuring out their body, their identity and there’s a lot more social nuance in their groups. However, that does not mean that they won’t enjoy family time, playing with siblings, or catching a movie with their parent.

What it does mean is that it’s on the adults to set up family time – it’s not super likely your teen will ask for it (and if they do DROP EVERYTHING!). They may need more help thinking of ways to connect with you, especially if everyone is telling them they shouldn’t want to. Give them choice around when and what you do and collaborate.

Tip – Pick a show your teen may enjoy and have it be your show to watch together – practicaily every teen is familiar with streaming (and probably binge-watching) and most of them do it regularly with shows. Do they like anime or horror flicks or something on CW? Find one you can get into and pop that popcorn.

Myth #3 Teens are Irresponsible

I know plenty of teens that have made some poor choices just like I know many adults who have made regret worthy decisions. Teens are capable of responsible choices, living their values, and taking care of others when needed. While it’s true their brains are still developing this doesn’t mean teens can’t be responsible or take accountability, many do! Teenagers can hold jobs, babysit siblings, participate in household chores, and juggle the rigorous demands of school on top of an active social life.

Let’s recognize that teens are people doing their best with what they know. Making mistakes shows where there may be gaps in their awareness, teachable moments and opportunities to guide. Labeling a teen as irresponsible is instead inviting in shame and judgment and creates feelings of conditional love – the opposite message most parents want to send to their kids.

Tip – Reflect on how you can provide opportunities for your teen to learn how to make responsible choices. It can start with simple chores at home, having their own plant or pet to take care of, filling the gas up when they use the car and beginning paid employment. You are the one who helps them practice responsibility and can give them grace while learning.

Myth #4 It’s Just a Phase

There are some things that will come and go like favorite shows, bands, or other interests just like with all ages. Other pieces are their identity forming and it can be very hurtful to call those parts a phase. Teens now have easier access to information and are finding that there are names and labels for how they feel that give them a sense of community and belonging. Whether or not it changes is not the point, feelings are valid all the time.

It’s true teen years are a phase of life, they will age into adulthood whether anyone is ready for it. But the saying “it’s a phase” invites people to not respect your teen, their feelings or that they’re a person who knows themselves best. So let’s just stop saying it.

Tip – Listen to what is important to your teen and consider how you’d like someone to respond when you share about your concerns or something new you’re trying. Back them up and VALIDATE their feelings (“it makes sense you’re feeling_”). And when other adults are not respecting your teen’s identity, back them up!

Myth #5 Teens Don’t Care

Remember that teens are self-focused because they need to be, it’s the time where their main job is to figure themselves out. That said teenagers are concerned about the state of the world and many of them are conscious of the need for change and have beliefs that they are passionate about.

Teens also care deeply about their friends and can be very involved with fan groups (BTS nation anyone?), online communities that follow current events related to issues like Black Lives Matter. And lastly, they do care what people think about them, usually a whole lot.

Tip – Talk with your teen about current events and hear their thoughts and opinions. Find an article and ask them to weigh in on it and then give them positive feedback (things like “I hadn’t considered that” or “you’ve got good points”). Let them know you think they matter and are important.

Teenage years can be whatever you and your teen make of them. Remember that who your teen is as a person matters more than what other’s think, their grades or their latest fashion choices.

I hope you choose to embrace the teen years with compassion, acceptance, flexibility, and lots of memory-making experiences. Be the person you wanted as a parent when you were a teen and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you’re stuck.

What say you? Let me know your thoughts on parenting teenagers or what you wished for from your parent as a teen.