Compassionate Alternatives to New Year’s Resolutions

Ring in 2021 with Self-Acceptance

I’m not a fan of the classic New Year’s resolutions and if you’re reading this maybe you aren’t thrilled about them either. The annual resolutions traditionally center around pushing yourself to do something that you typically don’t such as unplugging from your phone more, daily exercise, cutting out sugar, staying organized etc. Let’s just say I’ll be writing down none of those things for 2021.

The statistics of people managing to keep resolutions shows they often aren’t achieved. According to Psychology Today, less than 10% of New Year’s resolutions are carried out (that’s not a lot!) and primarily because change happens when you pick small habits to add to your existing routines instead of dramatic shifts.

Yet year after year thousands of people make them, I know I’ve been guilty before of setting a lofty resolution that by February I’ve scrapped. The disappointment afterwards can let shame, self-criticism and even depression creep in.

Often the resolutions made are based in feeling not good enough from the beginning; the top resolution in the U.S is typically about our body size or shape and sometimes disguised as health. Can we skip the before and after photos and toxic diet culture for 2021? See more about my thoughts on self-doubt here. All bodies are good bodies and it’s time to move on from body and rest shaming resolutions.

Of course not all resolutions are shame based. One aspect to consider is have you deeply reflected on the reasons behind your resolution idea – why choose to unplug from your phone more for example? For most people reducing time online relates to their values of being present with loved ones and increasing time for their interests. And usually it also can reduce the anxious, self-critical parts of us when we moderate social media so that’s a bonus.

But to achieve that resolution there would need to be habit changes, shifts in routines and more. And once the initial enthusiasm wears off and it starts being harder to maintain; in sneaks negative self-talk and feeling less than because we can’t keep up with the resolution. And your resolution can increase your attention to that area you judge yourself on and invite more shame to jump right in.

My critique of New Year’s resolutions does not mean I don’t like goal setting or having dreams. I believe in setting ourselves up for success and recognizing that we are enough now while striving for growth and joy. I’m also all for saying goodbye to old school resolutions that don’t serve us and can negatively impact our mental health. Instead of the standard New Year’s resolutions try one of these ideas:

Short Term Goals                                                

Try setting small, specific goals for the first month (vs the whole year) by picking something you have time to achieve and that will bring you joy. Your short term goal can be something related to your values that will help lead towards your bigger, longer term goals.

An example is “I will not start a new show/movie after 10pm on week nights” and working on that for a month can help you get to your bigger goal of getting to bed earlier, being more rested and having more energy for playing with your kids (okay yes this is one of mine).

Another example of mine is “This month I want to write something weekly” which could look like a blog post, journal writing(I use an app on my phone), a card to a friend or making a longer social media post. The big picture goal may be “I want feel creative again and practice expressing myself to others.”

2021 Bucket List

Another idea is to create a list of things you’re looking forward to about 2021. It could be things like: trying a new recipe, using my holiday gifts, getting to play in the snow, seeing a new movie coming out, books to read etc. The list could also be about things you’re hoping to do/see.

My bucket list has a few places I want to visit, books to read, places to get food from and hobbies I’d like to try. Will I get to them all? Probably not, but the point of a bucket list is brainstorm ways to increase joy in your life by seizing opportunities you have and inviting your imagination to lead.

Include a mix for 2021 with the ideas of things you could do this winter and spring (still a pandemic going on) along with things like trips and travel that right now may not be possible. If you don’t get to them all you can carry it forward to the next year without any shame.

Word of the Year

Instead of a resolution, goals or list you can opt to pick a word for this new year that conveys your hope, intentions or values. Examples of words are: Calm, Gratitude or Growth. The word can set the tone for your year and help you re-center when making decisions.

I would likely pick Balance for my word of the year because I tend to need reminding that rest balances growth, home time balances social time, planning balances living in the moment etc. 

You would want to have the word written somewhere visible like on your desk, mirror or you could have it made into a bracelet etc. More word ideas here.

Monthly Themes

Each month you can pick a new theme to focus on like self-compassion, giving, nature, creativity, relationships and more. Most of these themes are used for people’s resolutions but instead of trying to focus on it for a whole year try just thirty days.

You can create your own thirty day “challenge” around your theme that may involve learning something new within the topic, trying a new activity around that theme and sharing something new with a friend.

Remember there is no need to get it right – do what works for you and be flexible. Consider a new type of resolution this year that allows room for self-compassion and shuts the door on shame. I hope 2021 fills you with renewed energy, hope and opens new possibilities.

I’d love to hear if you’re opting for a new style of resolution. Leave me a comment about what you plan to do for the New Year.